Searching For God's Heart

I have to write this with a consideration that people have different view about this subject. But let me carry this issue from the way i see it since this is the place where i can reflect things such as this anyway.

I came to the conclusion, that often time it is very easy for us to mention God, in our conversation, in our prayer, in our daily life, but yet i find it is very difficult to find His true heart. What do i mean by that?

Often time, i got myself into this situation where despite all the "activities" above, i cannot comprehend that presence of His in His majestic, ultimate, and graceful manner. Now i am not talking about the emptiness of feeling, but rather that there is something deeper, more meaningful, and mysterious about God that i cannot just receive from daily spiritual "activity"

In my dumb, ignorant, naive way i call it the Heart of God.

For this previous few weeks behind me, i was intrigue by the story of the Prodigal Son and a very special book with the Title "Addiction and Grace" by Dr.Gerald May. The story of the Prodigal Son, captivate that true searching of a person of their true relationship with God. The prodigal son, went away tries to get rid of the presence, the heart of his Father. He took away the Father's wealth in perception that it will bring joy and happiness to him. He thought, what He needs is His father properties, and not his father's heart. He went as far as possible, spending all that he can spend and find the pleasure that he really wish he could have. However, only when all this things did not fulfill his deep longing for that love, he realizes that only the Love of His Father is the complete love that he needs.

It is our nature to take our Father's blessing, and treat it as if it is there our joy and satisfaction lies. We wants God's wealth even if in the process we have to treat Him as if He is dead, and run as far as we can to the place where we can demolish the presence, the memories, the love that He gave to us. But yet He is patient enough to wait for us to find that true heart of His.

I feel i am still running away right now, but yet my heart keep calling that there is something deeper, something more rather than just another spiritual activity. There must be something more, than a regular bible reading, devotional life, prayer, teaching and preaching. For there is more to God himself.

Help me Lord in my search of your Heart, even when i am still being that prodigal Son.