When You Are Just a Pen In God's Hands Part 1

Im sitting here at the front of computer looking at picture and just finish watching the New Year Celebration at Marina Bay. There is nothing special and i dont even "ebjoy" the program. Just try to kill times while uploading photos on Facebook.

Came back from Nat's house and meet my wife at home feeling unwell.

(Sigh)

I remembered the new year eve about four years ago. 31 December 2004. There was i standing at the Junction of Mission College looking at the sky and saying my prayer that i will never forget. The weather was chilling cold to your spine and me with my black gloves, and old jacket looking at the sky and talking to God.

There are some others bunch of students were there, couldnt go home for either is too far, or simply because Mission College was a good place to be during new year.

I still can hear the pop of small firecracker of that night, the little laugh and some small shout of "happy new year", covered by the breeze that eating up the voice from the soccer field. 

But yet the most important thing for me, was that night i was praying and talk to God. I pray that the coming year (2005), i ask for a "gift" of life partner. 18 days later i recieved my answers...

Yet now, four years later i am in another place, another realm of thought, and things are totally new.....

I really do miss that day back in Mission College, the breeze of winter, and the beauty of being in a silent yet peaceful place. I miss all of those things and i miss my life

Now i am here, i a new year with new life...

I will continue this blog later...my wife is calling

My New Day as a Married Man

It such a wonderful name that i am married now, things change and now i live as not my own anymore but to live with someone else.
It has been a mixed up, mumbo jumbo feeling inside. Just last week, things are totally nice and somehow this week as we move back to Singapore there is a funny feeling inside of me. I found i have less interest in coming back to this place.
It was such a very hard time for my wife as well. Living her entire life with her family back in Thailand, her move to Singapore was unimaginable. The tears, the grief, separation, and all those that follow had happen between two of us for almost a week now.
I am trying to be as strong as i could, be that person that can comfort her in this kind of time. But deep inside me i also miss my parents in law, and my sister in law, my family, Thailand as much as my wife does. Even after one year being in Singapore, i still cannot feel this place as my home, Thailand with all of the polluted tuk tuk, beggar, and heat still capture my heart. I feel like it still my second home.
I also miss the funny action of my father in law, with all his stories, his indescribably funny action, and the smell of my wife house. The warmth of that place, the hospitality, and all the beauty that cannot be exchanged with anything else.
While my wife is sleeping right now, this is the first for me to break down and cry. I do feel missing Thailand very much, as much as she does. I still dont understand why God wants me to be here...yet its another mystery that only God himself can reveal.
Anyway, probably this is really the real time for me to be reminded with all the advise my father in law used to say that faith and prayer is really the only way to survive everyday....

My Reflection Upon This Trip Back to Bangkok

Well, here i am today back in this place called Thailand. There always something mystical about this country. As i put my step at the airport and smell the air of this country, my mind become very peaceful. This place is always like home.
Despite the fact that Bangkok is absolutely more polluted than Singapore, but i cant deny that i felt more comfortable and peaceful here.
I always believe that Bangkok really shows me the true meaning of life, the reality of us as human being, the fact that we are created being that are left with gracious gift of choice from God.
Having lived in Singapore for a while, life is totally predictable. Things are well organized everything is under control. It is good in one sense but yet i found its lifeless.
But things just getting better as i went back to my old campus Mission College. Meeting old friends brings joys and happiness that i've longed for a long long time back in Singapore. In MC once i found those people that means a lot, friendship that more precious than any pearl and gold that i can find and today i found this pearl again. We went out to eat, spend time to talk about the good old days back in this college.
I really felt at home, the feeling that i never have in Singapore.