When You Are Just a Pen In God's Hands Part 1

Im sitting here at the front of computer looking at picture and just finish watching the New Year Celebration at Marina Bay. There is nothing special and i dont even "ebjoy" the program. Just try to kill times while uploading photos on Facebook.

Came back from Nat's house and meet my wife at home feeling unwell.

(Sigh)

I remembered the new year eve about four years ago. 31 December 2004. There was i standing at the Junction of Mission College looking at the sky and saying my prayer that i will never forget. The weather was chilling cold to your spine and me with my black gloves, and old jacket looking at the sky and talking to God.

There are some others bunch of students were there, couldnt go home for either is too far, or simply because Mission College was a good place to be during new year.

I still can hear the pop of small firecracker of that night, the little laugh and some small shout of "happy new year", covered by the breeze that eating up the voice from the soccer field. 

But yet the most important thing for me, was that night i was praying and talk to God. I pray that the coming year (2005), i ask for a "gift" of life partner. 18 days later i recieved my answers...

Yet now, four years later i am in another place, another realm of thought, and things are totally new.....

I really do miss that day back in Mission College, the breeze of winter, and the beauty of being in a silent yet peaceful place. I miss all of those things and i miss my life

Now i am here, i a new year with new life...

I will continue this blog later...my wife is calling

My New Day as a Married Man

It such a wonderful name that i am married now, things change and now i live as not my own anymore but to live with someone else.
It has been a mixed up, mumbo jumbo feeling inside. Just last week, things are totally nice and somehow this week as we move back to Singapore there is a funny feeling inside of me. I found i have less interest in coming back to this place.
It was such a very hard time for my wife as well. Living her entire life with her family back in Thailand, her move to Singapore was unimaginable. The tears, the grief, separation, and all those that follow had happen between two of us for almost a week now.
I am trying to be as strong as i could, be that person that can comfort her in this kind of time. But deep inside me i also miss my parents in law, and my sister in law, my family, Thailand as much as my wife does. Even after one year being in Singapore, i still cannot feel this place as my home, Thailand with all of the polluted tuk tuk, beggar, and heat still capture my heart. I feel like it still my second home.
I also miss the funny action of my father in law, with all his stories, his indescribably funny action, and the smell of my wife house. The warmth of that place, the hospitality, and all the beauty that cannot be exchanged with anything else.
While my wife is sleeping right now, this is the first for me to break down and cry. I do feel missing Thailand very much, as much as she does. I still dont understand why God wants me to be here...yet its another mystery that only God himself can reveal.
Anyway, probably this is really the real time for me to be reminded with all the advise my father in law used to say that faith and prayer is really the only way to survive everyday....

My Reflection Upon This Trip Back to Bangkok

Well, here i am today back in this place called Thailand. There always something mystical about this country. As i put my step at the airport and smell the air of this country, my mind become very peaceful. This place is always like home.
Despite the fact that Bangkok is absolutely more polluted than Singapore, but i cant deny that i felt more comfortable and peaceful here.
I always believe that Bangkok really shows me the true meaning of life, the reality of us as human being, the fact that we are created being that are left with gracious gift of choice from God.
Having lived in Singapore for a while, life is totally predictable. Things are well organized everything is under control. It is good in one sense but yet i found its lifeless.
But things just getting better as i went back to my old campus Mission College. Meeting old friends brings joys and happiness that i've longed for a long long time back in Singapore. In MC once i found those people that means a lot, friendship that more precious than any pearl and gold that i can find and today i found this pearl again. We went out to eat, spend time to talk about the good old days back in this college.
I really felt at home, the feeling that i never have in Singapore.

Change of Path

Wow, its been quite some times to now writing down things that happen in life. Having the personality that wants to see for meaning in everything makes me become too philosophical, and living in a world where everything have to be defined. But anyway, i want to change the path of this blog into more reflective, more fun, (hopefully it will goes that way my feeling seems to reject that idea)

Love is Mystery

Today is not about asking question that nobody ask, or even trying to answer it. Im just amazed into the mystery of love that God has given to each one of us everyday. Love.
When we try to define love, each one of us will come with their own definition, and i do agree to that. Love is just something that are too big, to wide to be explored by one definition.
Love is mystery, the beauty of exploration that have no end, it grows with no limit.
Love is not only the kiss you give, or the hug you might did today, love goes deeper than than, it goes deeper than only a physical touch, or sweet word, or whatever things that you might imagine.
my writing today is just haywire, i dont have theme, i couldnt see and think to find what actually that i am talking about, its just thought that runs here and there to find the meaning of love that i still wonder.
One thing that i can think clearly, dont ever stop to try to love somebody as much as you can, give your best to that person that you love, and dont even think of the reply, because the love you've given to that person is limitless until you expect that person to love you back. Because at that moment you want that to happen, you start to reverse your gift of love into accepting someone else love.
Thank you God for love...

Psychiatry?

I've been watching videos about psychiatry and those who oppose psychiatry as a medical field. (especially from those Scientology follower) i actually disagree with them and i do believe mental illness really occur. I've been trough several experience dealing with them.
Psychiatry has been a field that interest me so much.
However, it always come to my mind until what degree psychiatry will influence our view of mental illness? Is it true that all mental illness is nothing but some chemical imbalance within the core of our mind?
This is where i struggle with, with the question that nobody ask....does psychiatry make us a mere robot and no more than that?

what i mean by that statement?

Psychiatry tries to tell that most mental illnesses can be traced into brain function and chemical imbalance. However i cannot fully agree with this. It might sound ignorant or naive but does it mean we destroy the core of humanity? The only part that separate us from other living being?

I do believe that each human being posses what we can call as soul. it is not those flying white gas after you died. But there is this invisible form within us that make us human. Our emotion, our thought, our behavior, and ability to generate love and compassion toward others.

When certain person become mentally ill, or lost its ability to think "normal" does it mean it can be fixed with some kind of medicine? that's it?

Psychiatry deals with the most difficult illness of all, the illness of soul, the illness of human.

Animal can suffer from lung disease, or cancer, or even cardiac arrest just as human. But i dont think animal can suffer from bipolar disorder, anorexia nervosa, or pyromania. (probably some, but generally no)

When we say that all mental illnesses can be cured by medicine, it just struck me. It means that we are nothing but a simple machine that can be "fixed" with medication.

My pain is nothing than a chemical reaction in my brain, it can be fixed with medicine

My laughter is nothing than a 'normal' brain reaction toward funny stimulant

When i fell in love with my girlfriend, that is nothing but some chemical running trough my nerves. Its nothing more than that. Some tablet can stop me from loving my girlfriend, loving my father, loving the people around me.

When i cried for the loss of someone i love so dearly, it can be fixed. Just drink this tablet, and that tablet four times a day and there are no loss anymore, there are no relationship towards that person anymore. Medicine can disconnect that relationship, you can shut down your system.

Does psychiatry makes us such robot, that simply move and work because our main processing system command us to do so?

The movie WALL-E gave me some soothing answer though.

At the ending part of the movie. Wall-e was badly damaged. He lost his eyes, he lost his limb, but the worst he lost the chip that control his movement and processing system. That is where WALL-E record that "love songs" that he likes so much, and that is where he left his 'love' for EVE. When that chip damages, WALL-E lost all of its processing function.

I love the scene when EVE replace all, include the processing chip of WALL-E. Suddenly WALL-E runs normally again, but lost of his sense of love, memory, and compassion towards EVE.

Are we trying to say, that someday that will happen to us as well? That we are able to replace even our brain and that's it. We are nothing but another WALL-E.

Fortunately the WALL-E story not stop there. On the moment when EVE touch WALL-E, somehow he start to remember everything again?
How could that thing be possible? We are talking about mere machine, who lost all of its past memory, new processing system, and there is no track of EVE whatsoever within him (even the song was deleted from its new system) but then gain all his love towards EVE just because of simple touch? That is the sense of mystery that i think are worthy to be kept.

I believe that there will always be this mystery of how we function, and why do we function that way that are best kept as mystery and probably will never can be explained.

Most skeptics will say, WALL-E is just a stupid animation that has no meaning but mere entertainment so be it. But at least for me i can see and think more than only some exciting visual stimulation of my brain.

That beauty of mysterious recovery of WALL-E will always encourage me to see, that we are more than supercomputer, or some big machine that can be fixed all the time. We are more than only robot, because of the existence of our soul and our mind.

Thank you WALL-E to remind me again about that. That Human, at the end of the day has more meaning than only functional mega machine.

The Question on Money

I bought some pop corn on the way home, well i like pop corn and according to Newsweek magazine popcorn is one of those snack with low glicaemic index. However i found that my popcorn was very salty.
I bought it from the cinema small shop since that is the only common place people eat popcorn. Then i realize why they need to make popcorn salty. Simple, business. (aka.Making money)

When you eat salty food, basically it drains water from your cell. Therefore, automatically your body will crave for water. In this case, eating this popcorn will make you want to drink and in the cinemas they clearly write "no other food/drink allowed" means you can only buy from them.
What a nice trick, that's why the seller asked me "dont you want a drink with your popcorn?"

business is business, no matter what is the product. It was produced to create money, profit. No matter how healthy you want your food is, there are no way you can get an healthy food unless you cook it yourself. Or go to those charity resto. even the so called "vegetarian/healthy food" i consider not completely good.
Something commercial, will always be commercial.
When something is valued by money, like it or not it will loss the sense of originality, the sense of belonging, the sense of beauty.
It becomes duty, obligation, since both parties has done their part.

That is why, salvation MUST be free. If not, the world will simply not exist

The Beauty of Children

Have you ever ask the question on why God must create children? Why a person just grow up instantly in a matter of days to reach adulthood? Why we have to spent soo many years being a children?

I dont know the exact answer but one thing i know for sure that i found from all children. Innocence.

That is something that nobody cant take away from them.

I was at the MRT this evening, exhausted from a whole day work. Stand beside me was a family with two small daughter. Both of them were obviously tired, but the younger one are too tired to stand on the overcrowd train. Unfortunately she couldnt be carried by the daddy because there are totally no space at all. Therefore, what can she do is only crying and crying. I just cannot stand to see children cry, there is just this mystical feeling when i see they cry especially when they suffer defenseless.

But then when the crowd become less, she immediately jump to her father and sleep at his shoulder. That moment was so touching, that i felt i need to write it here despite the fact i am so sleepy.

I always pray that i hope God can do the same thing to me. When im tired, when im sleepy, he will carry me and let me sleep at His shoulder.

That is why, Children will be one of my greatest book that i will never finish to learn something new from it. They are the treasure, the beauty, that nothing will ever can substitute.

The Existence of God

As i stand in the train, my mind glaze trough the question that people nowadays often ask (quite the contrary with i usually do)
Does God exist?

Now i dont want to answer that question apologetically or not but i just want to share the way i think about God...

Modern science had claimed again and again that they can prove the non-existence of God.

Trough cloning, and many other cellular studies has revealed that we are in control of our own humanity. We dont need God.

This is the first point that i think most of us know already. The beauty of CONTROL

Now we are in control of our own.

We dont need God to reproduce - we have cloning now - why pray?

We dont need God to heal us from physical or mental illness - advanced medical science can solve most illness that we have - Why pray?

we dont need God to decide whether our next generation will be boys or girl - fertilization technology can do it for us - why we have to give it to God?

We dont need God to predict the weather - we have advanced satellite system and meteorological technology - farmer and sailor doesnt need to pray anymore for rain or good weather

We dont need God to cultivate the land - agricultural techonology can handle that - why ask God for fertile land

We dont need God to decide a life of a person - mostly in terminally ill cases -

We dont need God to solve any of our problem - whatever is that - Advanced Science and Technology can handle that!

So that's it?

Is it conclusive to say that God doesnt exist simply because now we have the ability to control things that in the past seems to be in the hand of a Divine Creature?

For me, i dont see it that way.

It is more like the time when i start to learn how to use bycycle. At first my father will show me how to ride it, then he will let me try it.
Slowly he will guide me from the back and hold me while i am trying to drive it.
as times goes by, soon or later i wont need my father guidance to hold the bycycle and i can run it anywhere i go. Even later on i can ride it without having to handle the grip.

However, admitelly speaking there will be time when i fall, and slip from the bycycle. When i hurt myself from falling. There is the time when i will go to my father and he will gives me his biggest hug and comfort for the fall. Does he know i will fall someday? Yes he does! So why he doesnt keep holding the bike wherever i go? Then what is the point of using bycycle? You cant ride the bycycle properly, or cruising along the road.

The same application work for all the science and technology that we have today. We have reach the limit where God is not holding our bycycle anymore. We know how ride it.
However, as know the control of this bycycle is completely within us, are we able to guarantee that this bycycle wont fall? Unfortunately again and again it is proven that we dont. Despite the sucessful achievement of technology today, there are black area where our own technology start to eat us up with more damage. Simple example: the discovery of Penicillin. There are more microbes that generating resistance to it nowadays. Why? Let the Pharmacologist, and Microbiologist answer that. I dont know the answer.
As this control of ourselves and earth seems to be more on our side probably we need to be humble to aknowledge the fact that sometimes there are aspect in our life that we still need God to control, we need to let go, we need to say "i dont know" and start to change that thought with "i believe"
I believe, that for every discovery that we do today, whether it is in Biological Science, or Psychology, Astronomy, Philosophy, Neuroscience, Sociology, Archaelogy, Anthropology, Medicine, Physics, Chemistry, or even Theology. That discovery is just another alphabet in the loong, thick, universal dissertation about God. We just reveal a glimpse of mystery upon the existence of this being that we actually dont really know and understand.
Our knowledge, our discovery, is just a small millimetric dot we put to picture the picture that probably as big as this earth.
So my answer today is more like an appeal. We should not be too fast to conclude that God does not exist simply because it seems we can answer so many question and mystery of our life and universe. We should be more patient, more open into the fact that there are thousands more question that has not been answered yet.
This is my personal faith, that i believe at the end of everything all of our discovery of life and universe will lead to one answer - GOD when it will be? i dont think it will be any soon
Therefore, i will leave a large room of my faith more towards God since i know there are many more questions that we havent answered yet.

Train of Thought

Its been more than a month that i left this blog alone....

As for now, life seems to set on a new track, new rail and as the time goes by let me see where this train will bring me.

Life for me is like an MRT, that goes along trough the rail. Sometimes it needs to shift to another rail, or sometimes it needs to slow down, and sometimes it needs to stop on certain station to pick up a new passenger. For me passenger can be considered as experience. On each station, an MRT will pick different number of passenger. But this is the unique thing about MRT. After, each station the number of the passenger inside will not be the same. Some will alight, some will stay, and new person will aboard the MRT.

How Good Can Sex Be?

This blog might sound uncomfortable with many people but yet i've been asked this question again and again...
Indeed the question sound so vulgar and what kind of question is that?
Having said that, let us look at this question from the whole perspective of this blog...
We are living in the world where people look for pleasure and like it or not sex is one of the most wonderful pleasure someone can find...
Sex Industry, for whatever way you would like to say it has been one of the most successful business out there...
Prostistution, Pornography, and any other way of people try to fulfil their sexual gratification
Looking at pornography, i've been one of those who are hooked and tempted....so this come from someone who look at it in a very closer way.
My analysis goes like this, pornography work in several way. As we know our brain receive data and store it deep in our brain. For some times, pornography stimulates our visual receptor and hearing receptor. Both senses send the signal to our brain and the brain interpret it as something pleasurable.
Lets accept it, human are created as a sexual being and it will come naturally that this sexual stimulating senses will be deciphered in that way.
Therefore in sexual addiction, what we are hooked is simply that stimulation, because it linked to nice feeling in our brain.
Well, im not an M.D just someone who wants to have one (hehehe) but as far as my experience and studies go this is what i understand.
As you notice, that's why pornography industry keep following the flow of consumer. What i mean by that? Sex will alway need fulfilment, that is absolutely true. Sex at it self was made to bring pleasure, and as the reproductive way of human being. However, created with so complex brain, imagination takes place during this stimulation time.
S& M, Lolita, Bondage, Squirting, Orgies, Gang bang, Interacial, etc...etc is just some names on how our brain fulfiling its fantasy. With "normal" relationship, many people will not experience this things (at least in my conservative, kampong, concept of sex) therefore they fulfil it trough pornography.
One thing that i found, and i felt worthy to write here, is pornography will never bring love. No matter how fulfilling those sex performer seems to 'show' us on those video at the end of the day its just something people do for making bucks and money. Most of those porn star, after having "grandeur" sex on screen will not go home with their sex partner on screen and start to share their feeling about life, expectation, and family life.
I notice some porn star partner end up marrying each other, but the ratio is not considered big enough for me to become the example.
Many porn star boast about how they can reach orgasm on their scene. As far as that concern i do believe that could happen. Our body has it own biological reaction toward sexual stimulation, like it or not. Its natural.
But the question is, does love come natural to those couple after performing sex scene to each other? I hardly can agree, to some very little couple might be, but not in general.
I've seen enough adult movie, forgive me God for that....but now i come to the conclusion that how good sex can be is all depends on how that sex can bring two people together as a FAMILY.
That is the reason God create sex, because i believe the result of sex MUST end up in a couple who are willing to share not only their body to each other, but their life, their love, their pain, their faith, and basically everything.
Without that result sex is meaningless.
Unfortunately pornography will never fulfill that, because that is not the purpose of pornography to begin with. Pornography were never meant to be the way couple can reach the true meaning of LOVE.
So how about those so called 'educational' sex video? Those therapeutic one? for that i cant give too much explanation but one thing that i know...watching other people having sex, will absolutely make you feel to have sex with your partner too. But before continue on, one question. Your desire to have sex is whehter because you know that you fall in love more with your partner or simply to fulfilling the psychological stimulation of the picture you saw?
another question, how about those so called 'amateur', those couple who make their personal 'sex video' and publish it on the internet? well, what is their motives of showing their video on screen? so other people can have the same happy relationship like they do? So why dont start from screening their whole daily life and not only their sex life? Are they good in bed only?

Please dont get me wrong, i never condemn any of those people who work in sex industry. If that is the way they can make any money. By all grace im not in any authority to condemn their behavior, knowing i used to support their 'work' by consuming it. But my question goes to all of us who under the spell the pornography.

This reflection is one of those reflection that i found very fulfiling for me and i hope it will stay that way.

What is the size of Your Shoes?

I just suddenly remember one of my teacher back at school. Dr.Kalervo Aromaki and his lesson.
that is one of the best class i ever took during my college time....

The lesson that i learn from that class will never be forgotten...

What is the size of your shoes?

I dont ask for the literal size of the shoe, but rather metaphorical one....

we often judge people from the shoe that we wear instead of those people's shoes.

what do i mean by that?

We often telling those who are fat to be slim but we never feel how does it mean by being fat

We often telling those who smokes from the point of view of someone who never addicted to cigarettes

We often telling those who are drinking to stop drinking while ourselves never know how much pain that people have as the reason they drink

Im not trying to say that you should be trying all those things before giving your thought for them but rather trying to see things from their point of view

If we want to counsel those people to stop smoking, try to see beyond that addiction and try to know what drives them to do so

if we want to counsel those people to stop drinking, try to see beyond their alcoholic behavior and see what triggers them to do so

Try to wear an addict shoes to know what what addict feel

try to wear some rape victim body to know how it feel to be raped

before you can do so, stop trying to convince people to stop their bad habit

I just share some flier this afternoon....
i observed people and i reflect on a question that nobody ask....

"how cold human hard can be?"

this afternoon that question has been answered.

I found that we as human, especially those who live in modern, first world country, has the coldest heart ever.

Despite all the comfort, beauty, and privileges that we have...its actually make our heart become colder. The more privilege, the more we become selfish.

I realize that the most coldest place, is at people who have more in life. I know this argument is not 100% but yet, i cannot deny also my own argument based on my experience.

People that accept my tract was basically those who appear less appealing. But those who wear more expensive clothes, not even look at me at all.


"i have everything in my life, why do i need to care about you?"

sadly this is the concept that affect many people......

Therefore i can say once again, that in this world there are only two religion, Materialism and Individualism

The place that i stay now is very hot, i was sweating profusely....

but i found that many heart of the people are freezing with no sense of love anymore....

How cold human heart can be? you can measure it here....at my place....

The Meaning of Service

Once again i need to write the beauty of service....

Service is one of the greatest treasure that most people nowaday take it for granted.
in the word where service is basically just part of business commodities, people are "expected" to give their service.
However, the best service actually are those which are given free
Because for every service, come sacrifice....

My View of Adventism

I’ve come across the discussion with a person in church of what actually the meaning of being Adventist….yes we are the remnant, the special people with special message…yet it think we miss the whole point

I will go down hard here and forgive for being arrogant….

We Adventist has become too proud for our theology, our uniqueness, our distinctive belief, until become so cold, proud, and ignorant to the needs of this world

what the world need now is not of so much differences, separation. and distinction.....

what they simply need is people that have enough love for everyone....

that is simply what Jesus brought to this world when he was here

when there no love for leper, Jesus gives

when there no love for prostitute, Jesus gives

when there no love for tax collector, Jesus gives

when there no love for children, Jesus gives

when there no love in government, Jesus gives

when there no love in the society, Jesus gives

when all the world was cold, unloving, selfish, arrogant, ignorant, the only thing Jesus give is love....

I think that what Adventism is all about, that what make us a remnant, the chosen one...

that when there no love for sinner, Adventist gives

that when there no love for drug abuser, prostitute, etc, Adventist gives

that when their church member fail to obey the law, we love them....

and when all the world was cold with fight, war, hatred, selfishness, anger, materialism - we rise as that light bearer as one loving community proclaim the original love of Christ - the only thing Jesus brought on the first time he was here - and the only character we have to have - So we can become like him - has this perfect love as one body - one church

how we Adventist falling so short from that - yet we claim to world that we are the remnant

The Untouchable are everywhere

Gandhi is my hero, and he always will inspire me to see the meaning of humanity and our existence here on this earth. His view and insight always impress me upon how beautiful and great God is in creating human with all diversities and characteristic.

Yet I wont forget what happen with Gandhi during his lifetime in India.

Caste system was at the peak of society then, and even now trough some extend that is still the case. Yet Gandhi has break the common courtesy by cleaning on of the Untouchable toilet.

This is what I learn from there, that it doest take caste to create Untouchable. Untouchable are everywhere if we can open our eyes wider….

This morning a man came to my church and I think he was one of the “big” man somewhere. He went in into the church, and everyone just come and shake his hand, greet him, and so on and so forth.

Yet there are hands in my church that never, or seldom perhaps being shaken, some ears that never hear personal greetings for them, and even eyes that never see any smile thrown at them. For me, they are also untouchable, because we fail to notice them…

21st Centuries Slavery….

I went out yesterday on visitation. And as I went out from the hospital, one of my colleagues called me. It was because he forgot his key card on his house and just realizing it on the way to the office.

Security, everyone needs security. That’s why people has done such an extensive research just to find the best way to secure properties. At first, it was locking system with key and lock. Then it come with those advance locking system, CCTV, digital keypad, fingerprint, and maybe one part of it – keycard.

When people still using key and lock, it was difficult. You must insert the key into the hole, twist it, and sometimes it was difficult. My friend (the same one that let his key card at house) just broke one door simply because the key decide to stop working already.

But now, what you have to do is just to tap your keycard on the reader and there you get the door open. Everything is just very comfortable, fun, enjoy, and easy. Each one of us get very used into the system until when one of us forgot the key, then it happen. We just locked up and don’t know what to do. If you broke one door with simple lock and key system it might cost you 40 dollar, but when you broke one electronic security system the bills can boost to thousands of dollar.

This is the dilemma, we become slave to our own comfort. To make communication easier, more comfortable people invent telephone, but now the sense of privacy is really rare thanks to the advanced cellphone. In the past, we don’t have to worry of being impolite not answering any call, but now that reason became harder to resist simply cellphone is part of most people.

We have invent many things that we thought will make our life easier, but now all of those invention enslaved us into a virtual slave of technology.

What a pity, yet a reality

To The Least One of Them

Appreciation....each human need that. Like it or not, every human being was created with ego. Some have very fragile one, the other solid like stone. For whatever kind of ego they have, each one to be touched at least once in life.

However in service, in life, in anything there are always people that not appreciated despite they need one..

what i mean here is simply a reflection on how we often appreciate people around us...

we clap our hands for people that speak in public but not for those who listen to it....

we appreciate people that cook the food, laying it down on plate but not for those who wash it....

we shout for the champion in sport, games, science, etc but not for those who make the champion

often we limit our appreciation, based on the "impact" that they do for society....

we lifting up those who can cure cancer, or any deadly disease...but we seldom appreciate each mother who heal their children cough, flu, fever, every single times these children got sick.

However personally, i dont think "impact" can only be the measurement of service in life....

some might only done a small impact, yet their effort of doing so is more that can be asked from them, their sacrifice probably beyond those who had done great "impact" in life....

we look up on evangelist who visit around the world - giving powerful sermon - convert many people - looking from "impact" point of view they have done a good job but effort? often they have a team that already prepare everything for them

how about small church pastor in rural area? Not only they have an evangelistic team, they have limited time, resources, comfort, etc. They might never fly on jet, crossing around the globe, sleeping in luxury hotel, meeting important people, and so on, and so forth....
but their sacrifice? i believe they have done more sacrifice than any other servant...

These preacher, might only preach for their villager for 20 years, no grandeur conversion in hundreds, but yet each of these church member, these villager has been feed each day and taken care every single aspect of their life...

im looking this from pastoral point of view- but yet in any aspect of life this thing always happen. We salute President, Manager, CEO, etc - but how about those who wash their clothes, clean their toilet, dump their garbage?

how about a loving father that struggle every day collecting rags, waste so his son can eat - he might never sit on throne, doing bilateral discussion with other president, but yet his effort and sacrifice for their children is more than what a president can do for their country...

they say that big name come with big responsibility - i dont think so...

Just another answer for question nobody ask...

New Land Same Life

I remember one famous quotation during Vietnam War, said by many soldier that went trough the day of combat in Vietnam. Each day they said life is "SSDD" - Same S#*t Different Day" - (sorry for my rude language)

But yet - life sometimes has the consistency part - where thing is quite similar even though at the different place.
The interesting thing is this similarities is focus on religion:
and there are only two religions in many of rich countries - Materialism and Individualism

Writing Another New Pages of Life

Well, life really change now! Im really start my work as a pastor and not theology student anymore!
i move to Singapore and being a youth pastor for once church at Balestier area....
reflection is become more and more interesting....
Im going to write the novel again...novel that only God knows the end...