Spending Time

I just took a shower and during those time i was wondering about how much time that i had spent time dealing with God. Suddenly i came across a thought that nobody asked. Often i found that spending time with God not always mean the same with spending time for God. People can spending time for Him by doing things that seems pleasing him but he is not always must be there. But spending time with God means you are there and God are there too. Spending time with God also not always cheerful and happy, sometimes God spending time with us even during our saddest and loneliest time
So, i prefer spending time with God more than spending time for God. Especially person like  me that working as a minister, this two understanding are significantly different
I hope that i can really do it though

Financial Crisis

I just came back from Muak Lek, buying some stuff include some of my girlfried favorite thing - she knows what is that. I just withdraw my salary for this month and i receive 80% of it, since the finance office deduct it for several charges that sometimes i dont really understand.
anyway, as we went back my head was asking a question(that nobody asked) upon how money and relationship with God relate to each other.
i often wonder, why those people that seems faithfully giving offering to God, still struggling with financial problem? while others that seems even doesnt care for such thing is often founded to be wealthy and having a good life?
no wonder some atheist ever claim that christianity has sucked people money for benefiting themselves by telling that the money is for God. Even though the fact is, God literally doesnt get any money or even receive any paycheck right?
Therefore i think that money doesnt have that close relationship with how close a person with God.
However, biblical evidence show that many people that considered as "heroes" are often filthy rich, such as Abraham, Job, David, Solomon, and many more.
One thing that i found out that God does provide those who belief in him with adequate supply - but put in mind that God knows what the best for everyone
second, God doesnt work in contract based relationship when you do me something then i must give what you want too - if that is how Gods work, we dont have to do evangelism - people will come to God and give themselves willingly to be accepted in the Family not because they want to, but to earn benefit from God
unfortunately, in this world it is the country that claim themselves to be christian has brought the concept of success as the result of having relationship with God - second these country too has brough the idea of capitalism - where money is literally God and has change the whole economic concept of the world - what a pity
God works in the term of loving relationship - a relationship that more than only valued by money - it might seems idealistic, but that's how God work
During my conversation with Pam the Go Go Girl i met in Patpong, We found out that often good people are those who dont have enough economy strenght.We can say lack of money. i try to find the answer, and i think that God has put a richness that more than only money within us. It is the richness of love. Love is the only thing that cannot be valued by money. Im talking about pure love here - true love that not looking for benefit to themselves. I know some of my friend that can buy "love" - with their richness all girl will easily follow them. But i doubt that is true love and im not talking about those kind of love too.
Yes it is love that really true, coming from heart that God has put within those who are good but found themselves not as rich as other(worse, to those that dont care about God)
I found out too, that offering to God is not measured upon how much you give, but how big your sacrifice is. Why that? Because that measure how much love you have for God.
This thought remind me about the story of that poor widow that giving her last money for food in the bible. Jesus said she was the true giver, because she choose to sacrifice her meal for that day so the money can be offered to God. Contrast with the Pharisees that has given plenty but doesnt cost him anything.
I believe, a true offering is when we are willing to sacrifice a lot for that and not how much on the value side.
Therefore sometimes i was sceptical about people that giving a lot of money for humanity especially movie artist and celebrities. They give a lot for sure, but it doesnt even a sweat for them. I often questioning their motives, i know its bad but i cannot let my brain to not wondering about it. Do they really give it out of their love?
therefore, i think sometimes God put us in financial crisis not to make us get angry at him but to test our love to Him. Well, people can claim im trying to giving excuse for not having good financial strenght but at least im happy for it. This make me more believe the existence of a person named God.

The Greatest Movie Ever Made

Hey, its been a while i havent reflecting upon things that i observed daily.
recently i've been spending my time watching movies for day and night. its been two days consecutively and there were good one and bad one. some movie just filled with sex and even though its good(visually) its kind of meaningless for me. Some other was too rigid an the plot are too readable.
Its been a korean and western movie so far, and somehow i felt i can enjoy the korean better. nothing special, its simply because it fits my thought that still conservatively following the philosophy of confucius that had influence most of the asian region.
anyway, there was few (if not one) movie that i can rate worth watching (after like 10 movies!!!!) At least i dont feel like im wasting my time watch it. It was a sad movie and touching one.
however, my bad critical thought had "spoiled" the fantasy by saying that its all has been plotted. The man in the movie is no other than an actor.
The story ended with the main woman actress dying from Alzeihmer that start to make her memory lost. It was sad, but honestly speaking she act very well. All the cries, all the drama, all of those emotion shaking. will end up on paycheck and she will be come out alive, with no dementia, even become a very famous one.
what a pity, i think that all of those movie are simply "fake"....
no offense, i learn a very important lesson from that movie and i learn how to value people that i love furthermore with all i have..
however, reality is...life actually a movie...
unfortunately, ther are no casting, or audition. people dont come and compete to get the role, everyone has their role.
There are no script has to be memorized, no tears has to be acted out,everything just an impromptu one...
worse, you dont know the end......the story will go and go and even the main player often asked what should i do next?
what a pity, because the role are not picked because you can feel the character rather we are that character itself. Some live with antagonist the other protagonist.
Some born as heroes the other villain....
well, life is drama..with all the things that they have..however, sometimes i wonder, questioning, yeah for sure a question that nobody asked: does God play the director? or He simply the spectator? hmph...i sometimes confused...
i lying down on the bench tonight and staring at the sky maybe the stars is our spectator, the grass, the animal...
life is a story, drama, novel, thriller, whatever....
be a good actor...